ROTH REVIEWS VAN HALEN’S LATEST?
David Lee Roth, the clever, enigmatic, former lead-singer of Van Halen sits in our ‘listening room’ to give us a blow by blow opinion of the new Van Halen best of album called “Best of Both Worlds
Dave is handed disc 1’s playlist as we put the CD in the player.
DAVE: They called it Best of Both Worlds? I know which ‘world’ is best Sammy. Why didn’t they call it “A Little Aint Enough For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”?
DAVE: Oh no, not this damn thing again. Eddie thinks he’s so cool. NOBODY WANTS TO LISTEN TO YOU MASTERBATE EDWARD!
IT’S ABOUT TIME
DAVE: It’s about time you go on a diet Sammy…you fat ass.
UP FOR BREAKFAST
DAVE: What the hell is this goofy shit? I can’t stand this one. Is this a Weird Al Yankovic song?
LEARNING TO SEE
DAVE: Wuu-ohh, Sammy is getting serious everybody. Is this one of those where Eddie and Alex write the lyrics and then Sammy says he wrote it? When I was in Van Halen, all I saw was Alex staring at me with those oversized cop sunglasses.
AIN’T TALKIN’ ‘BOUT LOVE
DAVE: Now here’s a good Sammy one…oh wait, this one is mine. Ain’t is like a anti Sammy love song…that’s all I got.
FINISH WHAT YA STARTED
DAVE: Van Halen goes Country. Sad, just sad.
YOU REALLY GOT ME
DAVE: This one is a classic. I can still remember when I wrote this. I came to Eddie and said “Hey jack-ass, listen to these”…(Dave has just been informed it’s a cover song)
A cover what now?
DAVE: Ahh Sammy, this is so uplifting and so…gay. Wait, is he singing about getting high? This is a better song than I thought. Well done guys.
HOT FOR TEACHER
DAVE: I’ve got it bad baby! I am on all cylinders on this one. Even Eddie and Alex sound okay.
DAVE: Did Sammy write a song about cake? Who writes a song about baking ingredients? I once banged a girl with a YEAST infection but I didn’t think to write a song about it.
**That is part one of Dave’s Listening Room. Look for part two soon.
(Dave is written or ‘played’ by Mike Seay)